Sorry for my absence lately, real life has been a rollercoaster. It's from suprise to find out I was pregnant, sickness as morning sickness hit hard and me and the couch became firm best friends, secrecy because I wanted to tell people but wanted to wait until 12 weeks. Then everything disappeared and I knew something was wrong. So last week it was like everything came hurtling to a finale, rang the doctor trying to ask if I was being overcautious but couldn't get through, rang VHI and I told her my symptoms she told me to go to a&e immediately. Because I was in so much pain, they thought it was ectopic so when they scanned me I felt relief when she said "The baby is in the right place" then silence... I knew in my heart that McLentil Pants wasn't going to make it, she said that because I was coming up on 10 weeks a heart beat should have been visible.
But the saga doesnt stop there,that was just the prelude..I put grieving on hold to focus on the courtcase on Friday. After 3 years I just wanted it over and the way the day panned out I could never have imagined it.
Surely that was the end of the bad luck..no unfortunately not. D was rushed to hospital on Saturday, his liver has stopped working and he had turned yellow. He was accused of being an alcoholic & drug user.... this from a guy who would begrundingly take a panadol. It's hard to stay optimistic but we are ignoring our own pain and trying to focus on each other.
So here we are, a week since it all begun and waiting on a plateau with everything resting on today.
D has his tests at 12 and hopefully we will find something out.
Waiting for my D&C tomorrow and I can begin to grieve properly.
And my final feeling is regret because I regret starting a pregnancy journal and scrapbook. This should have been a happy post showing my new LO's so my regret is that it has to end so suddenly.
Thanks for listening x